I have to say that over the past few months reading your blogs have been a blessing in my life. As I read your posts I see your faith, courage, hope, trials, challenges, happiness and the ups and downs that life brings. When I share things on my blog I usually share the moments in my life that bring me the most happiness, the memories I want to cherish, the little things that get me through the more difficult times.
Of course there are the challenges that have come with trying to go back to school with 3 children, moving away from family, and trying to figure out how to financially afford getting my husband through school. If any of you know anything about me, it's that I have always wanted a big family. I love being a mom, and I love the dynamics of a big family. We have been blessed with three healthy, beautiful, strong children. Our youngest will be turning 4 in March. We had hoped for another addition to our family early this year but instead we have been faced with dealing with two miscarriages. Both of them have been very different experiences. The first one, I had just found out I was pregnant and about a week later I had a miscarriage. I was sad mostly due to the fact that I was so excited to be pregnant. A couple months later we were excited to find out that we were expecting again. This pregnancy seemed to be very similar to the last 3 pregnancy's. We were able to see and hear the heartbeat. I thought I was out of scary part of the pregnancy, as I had just entered my 2nd trimester. I even announced it on facebook. Only to have to post a few days later that we had lost the baby. When I went to the ER (of course it happened on the weekend) They were able to tell me that the baby we just lost was a boy. Which made it even harder because my son Jared has been begging for a brother. There were so many emotions. Mostly sadness. I put on a brave face for most people but there were times when I couldn't hold back the tears. I was surrounded by my husband who was amazing through all of this, my kids, and my family and friends. Being so far away from my parents, my dad had sent me a huge bouquet of flowers. Every time I looked at them, it was like he was there giving me a hug. My neighbor & friend helped my daughter Rachel make a purse/bag for me and gave it to me when I came home from the ER. I can't even tell you how much that little act of kindness meant to me. I could write a book about the love and support I felt. I felt the prayers of others giving me strength.
When I came home from the ER. All the kids gave me a huge hug. I was feeling exhausted emotionally, physically, and spiritually. But leave it to Jared to make me laugh. He said, "Mama, how did they know it was a boy?" I looked at him with a strange look and responded "How do you think?" he said, "The eyebrows" I got a good chuckle out of that. What a cutie. I am glad he is still innocent.
It was hard to see other people that had babies or were expecting. It was even hard to see baby clothes & diapers when I went to the store. But I couldn't help be excited and happy for other people, what a miracle bringing a life into this world is.
Everyday get a little bit easier. I am still dealing with complications from the miscarriage. Which has been hard because it is a constant reminder. But I have a love for my children that I can't put into words and I cherish them more than before, which I didn't think was possible.. I can't help but look at them and feel incredibly blessed.
One thing I have learned through all you is that I am not alone. Which in itself has turned out to be a tender mercy. You have all been there to uplift me and be a source of strength, even if you didn't realize it. Your testimonies of everyday faith give me faith. Your examples give me hope. I am grateful to be surround by so many wonderful people.
My medical story in a netshell, 9 years in
6 years ago


2 comments:
Oh sweetie, I can't even tell you how much my heart went out to reading this. It just goes to show that no matter how perfect you think other people's lives are, they are always fighting their own goliaths. I am so, so sorry to hear that you had to go through this not only once, but twice. And the second time must have been unbearable. I'm getting chills just thinking about it. My heart is just breaking for you.
We're getting ready to start trying for #2 pretty quick here, and I'm kind of scared about it. It is already a high risk pregnancy and there is so much on the line, but like you, I want a bigger family, so I am willing to go as far as I can until my body and the doctors tell me I'm done.
I'm so glad I found you again, and I'm even more glad now. If there is anything I can do, even if it is just to write you something sweet to make your day better, please let me know. I am 100% here for you.
Loads of love and hugs!
Michelle
It is hard to write out the awful moments we have to live through, for all the public to view, but someday you'll look back on this post and be so thankful you wrote out your feelings.
You are right, you're not alone! Unfourtunately, so many of us have been through this, and we understand what you are feeling and going through. I had a miscarriage 2 years ago, and have been trying to get pregnant ever since. After so long of not getting pregnant, I didn't think I would again. I would make jokes about how I didn't want anymore kids, but it really hurt inside! I'm so scared that something will happen to this pregnancy. I guess once you've lost a pregnancy, that fear stays with all pregnancies after the loss. I wish you the best of luck as you try to grow your family. Hopefully soon enough you'll have a healthy pregnancy! Just know that even though you are away from your family, their love and prayers are always with you, and so are your friend's!
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