Ryleigh Anne

On September 15th, I went to my 18 week check up. It was just a normal appointment, check blood pressure, pee in cup, check my uterus to make sure it was growing,check baby's heart beat...I decided to do get the quad screening done at that appointment also. Everything went great, the doctor found the baby's heart beat right away and it sounded great. I scheduled my next appointment, the exciting one...the ultrasound.

September 20th, I get a call from the doctor's saying my blood test came back positive. They wanted me to come in the next day to see the doctor and do an ultrasound. My heart sank. I looked online and found that there are a lot of false positives with the test. I decided not to be worried until there was something concrete to worry about and that this baby was meant to come to our family regardless of whether or not our baby would have a birth defect.

September 21st, I didn't have my appointment until later that afternoon. My brother and sister in law had an ultrasound that same day and found out they were having a boy. I was super excited for them. I then got excited thinking I might find out the gender of our baby the same day. Bill and I went to the doctor's appointment, we had the ultrasound first. I laid down, exposed my tiny baby bump. I saw our baby pop up on the screen. I always get excited when I get to see our baby. I started to notice that our baby wasn't moving around...then I noticed the ultrasound tech scanning the image, I asked what she was looking for, she said she was checking the blood flow, there was a long pause...and then she looked at me and said, "I am so sorry, I can't find a heart beat. " I went completely numb, I didn't know what to think or feel. We had lost our baby.
I was having a hard time processing the news. The nurses and doctor kept trying to find a way to comfort me but it seemed anything they said was wrong. We decided to go in that night to induce labor. The doctor told me what to expect. It usually took a few hours to get labor going but when it did it was usually quick and most of the time the doctor or nurse didn't have time to come into the room when the actual delivery takes place. The thought horrified me but it was one of the facts I had to deal with.
September 22nd, I was in the hospital for almost 24 hours and still nothing was happening. The doctor said that if I didn't start having contractions with the next dose of medicine that they might have to send me home because it might take 3 or 4 days. I was turning into one of the "exceptions". After the doctor left, Bill offered to give me a priesthood blessing. It was very comforting and reminded me that the Lord has His hand in all things. Within the hour I started having contractions. I could tell it was almost time and I called the nurse in and sure enough I was completely dilated, she called the doctor. I had over a day to prepare for this moment. I didn't know if I would want to see the baby or if I would want to hold it. So many thoughts and emotions were going through my head. The doctor made it before I delivered. It was a small miracle and tender mercy having the nurse and doctor in the room with me.
Our baby girl was born at 3:30pm on September 22, 2010. We named her Ryleigh Anne. I couldn't wait to see her and hold her. The nurse cleaned her up and wrapped her in the tiniest blanket. Ryleigh was beautiful. She had the smallest fingers and toes. She already had finger nails, and little eyebrows. Ryleigh had my feet (finally one of the kids got my feet) and Ellie's button nose. The nurse said we could spend as much time as we wanted and needed with Ryleigh. It was one of the most spiritual and peaceful experiences. My love for her was instant, just like any of my other children. Ryleigh was perfect...
The doctor said he couldn't see any physical birth defects but my placenta looked very abnormal. He thinks that our baby wasn't getting all that she needed to continue to grow and develop. We had a decision to make. What to do with Ryleigh? We had discussed it before we met her. Do we bury her, do we let the hospital take care of her body? After we met her, there was no question in our mind about what to do. We wanted to give her a place for her body to rest until we could be with her again. We knew it would also help the kids, help them associate with their sister and help them heal their little hearts.
We didn't think people would understand us wanting to bury her, our baby girl that didn't make it to 19 weeks and never took a breath. But everyone has been so supportive and understanding. We have had an outpouring of love.



September 25th- We decided to have a small graveside service for Ryleigh. I thought it would only be our family. My mom came up from California. The Bishop, some of our friends came, people from the fire department and paramedic program. It was a quiet & simple service.
Ryleigh's coffin was so small. One of the hardest moments was picking our her coffin. We saw a pink one with ruffles and we couldn't think of anything better to put our precious little girl in. When we were at her service, the coffin looked even smaller. Rachel has had the hardest time, she was so excited to another sibling, to hold, to love, to smother in kisses. Rachel made all of the girls matching bracelets and made a matching necklace for me. She placed Ryleigh's bracelet on a rose and placed it on her coffin. Rachel broke down sobbing...Bill just held her. I looked over at Jared, he was throwing rocks in the horses coral at the ranch next to the cemetery and Ellie was kicking her feet up pretending to be a horse. I wanted to laugh and cry all at the same time...the only thing I could think of is poor Ryleigh looking down on her family saying.."Really? This is the family I got stuck with?"
We stayed until they lowered her into the ground. Bill stayed to help cover her. I couldn't stay for that, it was too hard but Bill said it was one of the only things he knew he could do for her as her father.





I don't have all the answers, we have had our ups and downs since we lost Ryleigh. Sometimes, it hurts so much it is hard to breath. Most days are filled with peace and comfort and strength in the prayers that people have offered on our behalf. I look forward to the day we can be with our little Ryleigh again.