I am reminded everyday of my inability to have any more children right now. It seems to hit me in the gut whenever I go on facebook and see many of my friends/family posting pregnancy announcements or baby pictures, when I go to church...I think I counted 14 babies in Relief Society one Sunday, or even when I head to Target or the grocery store and pass the diaper aisle and wonder if I will ever need to by another pack again. I am incredibly happy for those blessed with a baby. I have been blessed with 3 miracles of my own. I was reading one of my friends blogs the other day and she put into words what I am feeling but couldn't find my own words to express... "When I ask myself why I can't just be happy with the ones I have, it all comes down to the desires that God has placed in my heart. He built me with the very strong desire to bring children into this world. Everything on this planet is built that way. Multiply and replenish. Even though I already have children, I feel the desire to have more just as strongly as I did the first time. It never goes away. It never eases up." (I hope you don't mind me sharing that Michelle...and changing a few words to fit my circumstance.)
I never thought after having 3 healthy kids, I would be faced with this trial. My heart is still healing from the loss of our little girl. I am working with doctors, trying to find answers, they seem positive. I have to have trust in Heavenly Father. I have to hope that I will be able to carry a baby full term. That I will be able to bring another sweet spirit into this family. That I will feel the peace that our family is complete.
I never thought after having 3 healthy kids, I would be faced with this trial. My heart is still healing from the loss of our little girl. I am working with doctors, trying to find answers, they seem positive. I have to have trust in Heavenly Father. I have to hope that I will be able to carry a baby full term. That I will be able to bring another sweet spirit into this family. That I will feel the peace that our family is complete.
4 comments:
I'm so sorry, Kirstie. I have no words of comfort because I don't understand the pain you go through daily, as you plead with the Lord for another child but are unable. Alison was worried about this very thing when she invited you to her baby shower. I pray and hope your family is blessed with a healthy baby soon.
Thank you!!! I needed that today, I am so DONE with being pregnant and starting to pitty myself and I keep forcing myself to remember that I am blessed that my baby is healthy and will be here soon, to remember how much I wanted him and how he has healed my heart after our loss. I keep forcing myself to be okay with waiting a few more days. Thank you for putting it into perspective.
So sorry, Kirstie. I have been thinking of you a lot this month knowing that you're approaching the date that was Ryleigh's due date. Sending you hugs and prayers.
(hugs) That's so hard. I'm not in the same situation as you but I know the ache of seeing pregnancy announcements and big bellies everywhere you turn. I hope you'll be able to find peace.
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